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A great spot to sit and wonder what cool stuff everyone else is doing! Welcome to FOMO Mountain, a place you frequently visit when you’re scrolling through social media feeds wondering why nobody ever invites you to the really fun stuff like personal family vacations and celebrity destination weddings on private islands where you don’t…
The perfect place to nurse a hangover while fending off rattlesnakes! Welcome to the unadulterated beauty of the Hot Mess Desert! A true adventurer’s destination for those looking to camp, hike, star-gaze, and throw buckets of fuel on the burning dumpster fire that is your current life. On top of that, you’ll probably end up…
A one-way trip to your own private island of feeling sorry for yourself! Welcome to the Isle of Self Pity, the only vacation destination in the Sea of Wet Hot Tears where you can surf, catch some rays, and bask in the blinding narcissism of knowing that you have it worse than anyone who has ever…
Shit Shows Know what stinks? Not you! Now that you have your very own candle air freshener to haul around with you, people will quit pinching their noses and running for the hills. Hopefully. You still have to occasionally bathe, you know. Fireball Shots Scented Double-sided full-color air freshener measures 3 1 2″ x 3″…
Shit Show. Who doesn’t love colored pencils? Turn that gray world Technicolor with our new Shit Show Colored Pencil Set. Shit Show Colored Pencils 8-Pack8 brightly colored pre-sharpened pencils packed into a sturdy slide-out box© 2020 Whiskey River Soap Co.
Um, awkwaaard. Ah, memories. Look, everyone has a few awkward moments in their past. Flat-out embarrassing and impossible to shake off, this is the stuff life is made of. I should know. I clock in two or three of these every few minutes, and that s just on Twitter. In real life, I m a…
Product description Meet me out back by the dumpster Because that s where I host my weekly book club. Entry fee is a 40 and a bag of spicy pork rinds. There s generally two or three of us and we intelligently discuss the latest local mug shot newspapers. You d be surprised at the…
Epic Fails Front Reads: Smells like teeny tiny mistake, ok? But hopefully this soap will make up for it, it s like all handmade and stuff. Back Reads: Apologetically foaming soap. Helps wash away failure. Limits new mistakes Fragrance: Pepsi Latte
Smells like Twitter. Not MY Twitter. Mine is filled with completely factual alternative facts like pizza is a salad and the world is two years old and I was the prom queen AND king four years in a row. What? Don t debate me on this. I ll just tweet FAKE NEWS and be a winner like always. Know…
Wait, what s today? Oh, hahaha. Like I care. What re we doing for lunch? Because I just found this adorable little bottle of mezcal under my car seat. That, plus a can of La Croix, and we re in business! The lunch business, I mean. I do have to get back by 3 for…
Smells like a hell no. Everyone knows I love mornings. Especially when they start after two, two-thirty in the afternoon. That way I can combine breakfast, lunch, and dinner into one healthy tomato smoothie. With vodka. A lot of vodka. And two pots of coffee as a follow-up. It s called coping, people. I have…
Know what s fun? Hanging out with my friends. Focusing on my career. Doing shots all night. Binge watching Riverdale. Eating a whole thing of Halo Top at 2 a.m. Not having to answer to anyone… just sayin . Oh, and checking for texts. And orbiting. And checking my horoscope. And crying in the shower. STILL. Like…
Oh yay… Another zoom meeting in ten minutes. I m still on the one that started two hours ago and I don t think it s ever gonna end. How the heck am I supposed to refill my coffee mug with more whiskey now? Prize-winning soap design from our Pandemic 2020 Design Your Own Soap Contest, submitted…
Our limited edition Soap For Essential Workers is for all those workers out there on the front lines. All of you are heroes. From the hospital staff all the way to the people that put the side of Ranch dressing into my bag for curbside pickup. Maybe it s not the same kind of hero,…
Yeah, yeah, love stinks It does, doesn t it? And this is the LAST time I m getting fooled by love. Not happening again. So don t expect to see me on Bumble ever again. That s right. I m done. Forever. Wait, what were you just saying about your yoga instructor being single? Chocolate…
STICK IT!60 Tricky Stickers Hey, check it out! This new iPhone contains “real raisins”! Yeah, we know these stickers are silly. But so are we! And so are the crazy marketing claims that scream at us from every direction, every single day of our lives. Believe me, your Great Aunt Phyllis is going to love finding…
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