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Smells like Twitter. Not MY Twitter. Mine is filled with completely factual alternative facts like pizza is a salad and the world is two years old and I was the prom queen AND king four years in a row. What? Don t debate me on this. I ll just tweet FAKE NEWS and be a winner like always. Know…
Wait, what s today? Oh, hahaha. Like I care. What re we doing for lunch? Because I just found this adorable little bottle of mezcal under my car seat. That, plus a can of La Croix, and we re in business! The lunch business, I mean. I do have to get back by 3 for…
Smells like a hell no. Everyone knows I love mornings. Especially when they start after two, two-thirty in the afternoon. That way I can combine breakfast, lunch, and dinner into one healthy tomato smoothie. With vodka. A lot of vodka. And two pots of coffee as a follow-up. It s called coping, people. I have…
Know what s fun? Hanging out with my friends. Focusing on my career. Doing shots all night. Binge watching Riverdale. Eating a whole thing of Halo Top at 2 a.m. Not having to answer to anyone… just sayin . Oh, and checking for texts. And orbiting. And checking my horoscope. And crying in the shower. STILL. Like…
Oh yay… Another zoom meeting in ten minutes. I m still on the one that started two hours ago and I don t think it s ever gonna end. How the heck am I supposed to refill my coffee mug with more whiskey now? Prize-winning soap design from our Pandemic 2020 Design Your Own Soap Contest, submitted…
Our limited edition Soap For Essential Workers is for all those workers out there on the front lines. All of you are heroes. From the hospital staff all the way to the people that put the side of Ranch dressing into my bag for curbside pickup. Maybe it s not the same kind of hero,…
Yeah, yeah, love stinks It does, doesn t it? And this is the LAST time I m getting fooled by love. Not happening again. So don t expect to see me on Bumble ever again. That s right. I m done. Forever. Wait, what were you just saying about your yoga instructor being single? Chocolate…
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